the dream

if every adaptation of reality is an idealisation, romanticism or gossamer truth then where does that leave us as an audience or me/us - part of a whole group of story tellers. What makes it believable, the audience's willingness to succumb to the illusion or the creators belief in the delusion. As an artist must i delude myself to share such a reality with others? Are all great stories the fabrication of the blind leading the blind?

....i think i've found were my lotus pods fit in thematically to my thesis for my show.

wonderful.

I'm so glad that my daily frustrations have decided to sublimate and become troubling dreams involving stressful family situations and difficult clients. brilliant, well I've been feeling I've been getting to much sleep anyways so might as well nip that in the bud.

Did some collages last night and some drawings. Going to post the collages. They're really quick things that I throw together as rapidly as possible - a kind of colour and texture association game for myself.

The drawings which i won't be posting presently are all studies of one person. working on my drawing skills, they've gotten a bit rough. My sense of proportion and placement seems to be eluding me so practice practice practice.

I've pretty much banged out some great ideas for my upcoming shows, so onward!

(the collages are square but a bit too big for the scanning bed and made out of magazine clippings and were inspired by the daily works of hiro sugiyama, leader of art group 'englightenment')

 

my life

I feel like I've already made sacrifices of my life choices to make others more comfortable. It's my life, I don't think I care anymore if you're comfortable with it.

overwhelmed.

i'm willing to admit to myself that while the outlook is fairly bright I'm feeling incredibly overwhelmed. I think the more amusing thing is that I have been for some time subconsciously but I've refused to acknowledge the signs.

weight gain, lack of sleep, rationalisation, and a feeling of static in my veins. Its like a low grade adrenaline that makes my arms and back tense just a hint, continuously; and a lack of focus. Its the nagging feeling I should be doing something, even when I am doing something.

I would describe it as a animalistic alertness that you will see in creatures before a storm. The way the dog's ears are pricked, the pacing.... its a feeling of impending entrapment. You know what's coming, you know what to do to help prepare but it's a recognition that you still really don't know just whats going to happen. The time keeps getting closer and you panic with what to do with whats left of it because you know that so often you end up squandering it.

I'll do what I can to prepare for the forthcoming rains even before I hear the thunder. The next seven months will be huge and I only hope I can hold up the weight of them and reach all my goals.