1st oil painting in Australia ever (process)

(cropped)

and i’m not entirely sure how I feel about it. so negatives first? This was something I started in at at 11.30 and it’s now 23.39, roughly 3 hr break thrown in the middle and around tea?

It’s not a true likeness, I haven’t at all considered the final background, all the features need major tweaking and this is not how I usually paint.

I’ve recently been reading Man With A Blue Scarf : On Sitting for a Portrait by Lucian Freud by Martin Gayford. Between that and a feeling that I only tend to push my art in one direction (a correlative increase in detail/idealism and abstraction) I should just full stop try a different style all the way to getting rid of my trademark blending. I just don’t know how I feel about it. It ages her for sure, is challenging in a different way on top of trying a new style, and just not sure if it’s as striking a piece as a blended out one would be. I don’t know.

I am proud of myself for pushing myself into something not only new but radically different (this might not seem so to non painters but it is - completely different ways of applying paint. Unlike popular conjecture I do not apply this much paint and then blend it all together - that would make mud.) I also think that for roughly a one day piece using my computer screen in a non-mess friendly work space I did alright.

I definitely think I took my insecurity with the painting out on others today (an especial gentleman who was pointing out the contrast between the face and the rest of the piece I really cracked it at so I’m sorry.)

I can just hear my mother stating how glad she is not to be living with me. I base my confidence and self worth almost entirely in my art so when it doesnt go to plan i get a bit insecure. and intolerable.

Also, might name it 'girl with a black earing' just because I like canon references that much.

eight days a week I loooouveeee you

- the Beatles

Sometimes I sit back and realise that my totes horrid emotional state leading up to the last time I left oz was completely on point because it was kinda like getting kicked out of heaven. Oh how the glorious angels sing.

this post might be a tad blasphemous on the eve of easter but whatevs.

Muss es sein? Es muss sein!

- Beethoven String Quartet No. 16 op.135  "The Difficult Decision"

Finished unbearable lightness of being.

It was strangely just the book I should be reading at this time in my life. Lately I've had a lot of decisions about what to do, the right next step to take and they are no where near done - and the more I gather will they ever be. Kundera uses existentialism in a way thats easier to apply to the realities of life. It's not any less...'hard lined' then directly pulling from Sartre or Nietzsche but rather shows all the facets of how it can be applied to the physical and emotional/mental.

I think the book makes a great marriage between the concepts of Angst and the Absurd from beginning to end with the literal name and overall concept. In many ways the book is a well laid research paper with the thesis of "the unbearable lightness of being". Yes there exists existential angst but as soon as you feel it it's negated by the Absurd and the continuing absurdity of the individual life because either it does not recur or it does. You either have no way of knowing what decision is good or bad having nothing to compare it to or you have infinite trials to choose another path. I'm not even sure I summed that up correctly - thus why I think the book does so well. It's not really a concept to be put forth in a sentence.

Either way, I was able to identify with the characters but also remain objective enough to actually absorb the concepts and not just be swept into the plot. I loved the way it was written and it has given me plenty to think about, not only as far as existing in Authenticity but how to evolve my art to the next level - which I really think will be an exploration of motifs. It's something I've played with in the past, my own set of motifs are fairly re-occuring but I think incorporating a  wider recognised set of symbols and making them more concrete would give me an outlet for my dreams and a level of symbolism I've till now glossed over and give greater depth to my work. In the past I think my symbols have been too obtuse and self-referential and maybe that will be rewarding to viewers if I ever become famous enough to have biopics made about me or if I explain it to some but..... it all comes back to Anna Karenina. By that I mean that yes the canon of literature or form is just that, old and archaic but working within the canon is a great way to directly communicate visually, and since I'm not painting apostles it's time I picked more recognisable symbols. I think my 'western canon' played with this idea but went at it the wrong way, both too literally and in a limiting - surface based fashion.

gotta run run run (saved, never posted)

because I can't keep up with myself. I'll admit - missing my previous phones' ability to blog remotely.

mon - missed my transport back out of the city so crashed at my mate's (QV apartments). Saw the most amazing view of Melbourne I have ever seen - plans to make a stop motion as the sun sets and raises. Had brekky with him in the morning and decided that despite my level of grunge to take advantage of being in the city and went to a book shop to pick up unbearable lightness of being - the man with the blue scarf - and postcards from surfers, hit up the NGV - so great. First time I was back to the NGV international saw the Brent Harris exhibition that I really enjoyed but the 19th-20th suite was shut. Got home and watched peep show with a new perspective and really enjoyed it - though kinda weird.

sun - had a bit of a lie in then did a few errands. caught up with some mates for a wonderful bbq in northern suburbs

sat - Did job applications, shipping research, then went out into town with a mate to catch up with other mates including one who was in from out of town at the drunken poet on peel st.

fri - did job applications, caught up with m in the city. Had a drink at the charles dicken tavern. We wandered down to the Victoria College of Art 40th anniversary street party which Clairy Browne and the Banging Rackettes were headlining. Ran into i, a Chisholm college buddy from last go around - great reconnection. Went to Pony Island under the bridge over the Yarra (princes?) then down to Swanston St. to the Cabinet, a new place I hadn't been before that has a swell little view of that section of Swanston St.

wed/thur - did job applications, picked up roommates car at the shop (whew driving on the left side!) and had tea at J&D.H - which A joined in as well.

tues- Had the interview with the greenpeace fundraisers, walked out - wasn't my thing. Made a new friend who did the same thing - Arika! call me! - who had only been in the city for 6 days so had coffee and a nibble at Degraves St. then went around town. Visited the Ian Potter, had a walk through some arcades and then lost her in the crowd at the State Library. whomp whomp. Met up with a mate for a lemonade and bitters - decided to head home and had some drinks with roommate and mate with pizza and a film.